Mediating Underwater: Rethinking Mediation to Make It Inclusive for Neurodivergent Clients.

They might pick up things in the conflict landscape that we completely miss.

People with different ways of seeing the world often bring huge strengths when navigating complexity — if we know how to work with them.

And this brings me to the heart of what I want to say:

Many neurotypical practitioners are so comfortable in mediation that we forget how strange and overwhelming it can feel to others.

For some neurodivergent clients, it’s not just hard — it’s terrifying.

But that doesn’t mean they can’t do it. It means we need to find better ways to support them — to help them reach the shores of resolution without drowning along the way.

Neurodivergent individuals bring enormous value to mediation and conflict resolution processes.

But when we don’t understand how neurodivergence might show up, it’s easy — too easy — to misinterpret behaviour.

We might see someone taking longer to respond, or communicating differently, and label it as resistance or non-compliance. We might call them a “high-conflict personality”.

We might subtly lose our impartiality without even realising it.

And when that happens, we’re not just being unfair.  We’re actually putting barriers in the way of resolution.

Another risk is that we confuse neurodivergence with mental incapacity.

Let’s be clear: anyone under extreme stress — neurodivergent or not — can have their nervous system tip into fight, flight, or freeze.  And when that happens, higher-order thinking, like decision-making or perspective-taking, becomes a lot harder.

The difference is that for many neurodivergent participants, the baseline stress load is already higher.

And our typical ways of mediating can make this worse.

We must stop assuming that struggling with a rigid process is the same thing as lacking capacity.

Let’s take a look at some of the ways traditional mediation processes can be challenging for neurodivergent clients:

• Mediations are often face-to-face, in unfamiliar environments.

• Sessions are usually compressed into intense blocks of time, assuming quick communication, emotional regulation, and fast information processing.

• The process is structured around a series of stages — each with its own unspoken rules.

• There’s a strong expectation of verbal communication and emotional self-regulation throughout.

• Mediators often rely on perspective-taking and brainstorming as core strategies.

• And most mediators, to be honest, have only basic training in understanding neurodiversity — which means blind spots are common.

For neurodivergent participants — particularly those with sensory processing or emotional regulation differences — the cumulative load can be enormous.

Before they even walk into the room, they might already be close to overwhelm.

Some practitioners invite clients to request accommodations if needed.  However, when we frame flexibility as something “special” that only certain people need, we subtly position the individual as the problem.

In contrast, when we design flexibility into the whole system, we make it easier for everyone to participate — without needing to single anyone out.

Why not rethink mediation so it works better for everyone — from the start?

To get to the shores of resolution:

• Some clients need to move slowly and carefully.

• Some want to jump right in.

• Some need a wetsuit for warmth and buoyancy.

• Others need a mask and snorkel.

• Some need scuba gear and a shark cage.

• And some will only feel safe in a boat or a submarine.

We’re not here to judge how they get across.

We’re here to help them reach the shore.

And there are many different ways to get there.