We often talk about the importance of reflective practice in conflict work—but sometimes we are not clear about why it is so beneficial, what it actually looks like in action, and why is it sometimes so hard to do?
In recent Conflict Leadership Program sessions, a range of experienced and emerging practitioners gathered to share stories, challenges, and strategies related to reflective practice. Their conversations were rich, honest, and deeply instructive. This post draws on some of those reflections to offer practical tools and deeper insights into how we reflect, what gets in the way, and how to make reflective practice more sustainable.
Thanks in particular to Judith Rafferty, Nick Carter, Debra Farrelly, Peter Hanson, and Sabine Steiner for their contributions to this discussion.
Why Reflective Practice Matters (Even When Nothing Dramatic Happens)
It’s easy to assume that reflection is something we do after a particularly intense or challenging session. But this mindset misses the point. We should be using reflection and supervision and debriefing in other ways… not just when something dramatic happens. We should be using it as a matter of course after everything we do.
This reframing sets the tone for a broader understanding of reflection—not as a reaction to problems, but as an ongoing learning habit that helps us integrate knowledge, recognise patterns, and deepen professional artistry.
Participants agreed that reflective practice is about perspective, growth, and emotional wellbeing. They described it as:
A way to avoid rumination, particularly when managing complex or unresolved cases. “Reflection helps me to let go of challenging cases. It’s a form of self care.”
Like sorting out a tangled ball of twine by pulling on different threads. “I imagine what might have happened if I had made a different choice and use that curiosity to inform future practice”.
Something that “slows you down just enough to stop reacting automatically. It gives you a window—however small—to choose something better.”
Something that doesn’t have to be structured. “I used to think reflection was this formal thing you had to schedule. But sometimes the best reflection happens when I’m walking the dog or washing the dishes—when my brain has space to connect the dots.”
Tools and Techniques for Reflective Practice
While the value of reflection was uncontested, the “how” proved to be more nuanced and creative. Here are some of the techniques discussed:
1. Structured reflection tools
Briggs’s reflection cycle was mentioned as a useful tool—one of many that can support a systematic approach to learning from experience. It encourages practitioners to move from description to evaluation, analysis, and future planning. The point is not to over-analyse every moment, but to intentionally pause and ask:
What happened?
What did I feel or notice?
Why did I respond that way?
What were the other options?
What will I try next time?
This approach, even when applied to routine moments—a conversation with a colleague, a team meeting, or an instinctive reaction—can turn daily work into continuous learning.
2. Supervision
Structured supervision—especially in psychologically safe environments—emerged as a critical support. Nick described his regular sessions as “cathartic,” giving him space to offload and learn.
“Supervision is a lifeline. It’s not about someone telling me what to do—it’s about having a space where I can think out loud, safely, with someone who knows what questions to ask.”
3. Peer Debriefing
Several participants reflected on the benefits of peer reflection. Talking through a dilemma with others can illuminate blind spots, clarify values, and release emotional pressure. As one person noted, it’s often in conversation with others that our instinctive responses get unpacked and re-evaluated. Debra pointed out that peer discussion was valuable, even when the focus shifted to admin—because clarity in logistics created space for better practice.
“I’ve learned more from the conversations I’ve had after mediations than during them. That’s where the learning lands.”
4. Role Playing
One of the most impactful learning tools was when experienced mediators returned to the mediation training room as a role player for trainee mediators. When we get used to acting in the role of mediator, we sometimes forget what it feels like to be a party. It’s worth revisiting that experience when possible. Debra shared how playing a party helped her notice when she switched off, prompting her to rethink how she delivered introductory statements in real mediations. Nick echoed this, adding that playing high-emotion characters (like a frustrated elder) offered powerful insight into party experience—and gave him space to experiment with new strategies.
5. Reflection Using Theoretical Lenses
Reflecting through different mediation frameworks helped participants stretch their practice. Nick tested narrative techniques like objectifying the conflict and naming shared experiences (e.g., grief, dementia), and then debriefed those trials with his supervisor. Debra described mentally labelling mediator techniques during role plays as narrative, transformative, or facilitative—and then reflecting on how those choices landed.
6. Structured Self-Measurement
Nick discussed a tool that was developed and is used in his elder mediation context: a 20-factor complexity score that is used to classify the level of complexity of each case based on factors like trauma, power dynamics, and family conflict. This complexity scoring tool can help determine and justify why a matter may require more time and resources – e.g. several intakes and additional time and/or using a co-mediation model. The group discussed the value of a complexity measure to both prepare for but also to reflect on a mediation. It was also discussed that the factors that are used to determine the level of complexity of a case would need to be adapted to the context of a mediation, such as workplace, neighbourhood or family conflict.
What Gets in the Way: Common Barriers to Reflective Practice and how to overcome them
Several recurring obstacles to reflection were named throughout the discussion:
1. “Nothing went wrong”
If we only reflect when there’s a visible mistake or high emotion, we miss opportunities to notice more subtle patterns or reinforce what we did well.
2. Fear of Discomfort
Reflection often leads to the realisation that we could have done something differently—or better. That’s not always a comfortable feeling.
“We don’t want to figure out that we were wrong… so we often avoid unpacking it.”
3. Time and Energy
In fast-paced work environments, it’s tempting to “move on to the next thing” without pausing. Building reflective practice into your routine—say, by journaling one event a day or joining a regular peer circle—can help overcome this inertia.
4. Fear of Judgement
Especially in peer or group settings, practitioners may hesitate to share dilemmas or emotional reactions due to fear of being seen as incompetent. This is where creating a psychologically safe environment is key.
5. Assumptions formed through experience
We can easily lose sight of our common assumptions, and reflection is a way to bring those back into awareness.
“It’s easy to think I know what’s going on in a mediation, especially if the story feels familiar. Reflection keeps me asking, ‘What else could be true?’”
6. Isolation in private practice
Working in private practice may mean that some mediators have few opportunities for peer-reflection, even though these have been identified as particularly useful reflection. Working with peers provides useful prompts for moving beyond one’s own perspectives.
Tips for Making Reflective Practice Work
Drawing on the insights and stories from the sessions, here are some practical tips to help conflict professionals build a consistent, meaningful reflective practice:
Make it a habit: Reflect after routine moments, not just dramatic ones. Use journaling or voice notes to capture quick impressions.
Use structured frameworks: Tools like Briggs’s Reflection Cycle, Gibbs’s Reflective Cycle, or REAL Conflict Coaching can help scaffold your thinking.
Practice in community: Peer debriefs, mentoring, or co-mediation reviews offer invaluable perspectives.
Reflect on patterns: Notice recurring themes—emotional triggers, biases, default responses.
Rehearse alternatives: Try this as a self-coaching exercise: take a real situation and run it through several “what if” scenarios. Imagine variations on the event and explore how different contexts might have changed your decision. This takes the focus off blame and opens up possibility thinking.
Measure complexity: Develop your own checklist of factors that increase difficulty in your mediation context and use this as a guide for reflection. How did the various complexity factors impact on your mediation and the choices you made throughout?
Track change over time: Keep records of your reflections over the years and periodically review older reflection notes to see how your thinking and practice may have changed.
Final Thought: Reflective Practice as Ethical Grounding
Reflective practice is not just a learning tool—it’s a form of professional ethics. It helps us notice bias, avoid autopilot, and hold ourselves accountable for how we show up in the room.
In AMDRAS and IMI standards, reflective practice, peer consultation, and supervision are strongly encouraged as ways to maintain ethical awareness and professional competence. And in practitioner spaces like this one, they’re what keep us honest, evolving, and human.
Whether you’re new to conflict work or decades in, reflection isn’t optional—it’s how we grow the wisdom and humility this work demands.
And if you’re ever feeling stuck? Take Debra’s advice: “Just go back and pull a different thread.”
You might be surprised where it leads.